Indoor, Outdoor & Kids' Trampolines

Things Southerners Say In Spring


This time of year is just the perfect
temperature! Not too hot, not too cold. It’s like a hug from the Sun! Sometimes it’s like a bear hug. It’s pretty hot. I don’t know why y’all are so excited about
spring. It only lasts two hours down here and then it’s back to living in Satan’s
armpit for eight months. I mean, I try to enjoy spring but the minute I walk outside it’s like Niagara Falls from my face. I am so ready for shorts! Jeans are
just oppressive. As are all pants with buttons. You might as well just burn
everything with long sleeves because you ain’t gonna need it again till December I do feel for the people with allergies, but thanks to the power of modern medicine and Kleenex, there’s no need for them to rain on our parade. I’m gonna have to start a GoFundMe account just to afford my Mucinex supply this season. *lots of snot noises* We all know you get allergies you got allergies, just stay at home! We don’t need a play-by-play of your snot cycles. When someone tells me that they don’t have allergies, I have considered punching them in the throat. You know, just to give them a
little taste. Yes, there will be blankets of yellow pollen on your car, but who doesn’t love a pop of color? *high-pitch squeal* My whole car is covered in pollen right
now! I want to write, “HELP ME” on it but I can’t because my whole body would break out in hives. I love pollen! I think it’s adorable how it paints my truck
yellow. Looks like that dadgum Bumblebee from them Transformers movies. Except it doesn’t transform. Heck, it don’t even start half the time. Early March you got your
tree pollen, then comes the grass pollen and then- oh brace yourself for the weed
pollen. That’s the big one. Ah, spring. Man, love is in the air. *scary siren noises* No. Wait. Yeah. That’s the tornado sirens. My bad. *sirens still doing their thing* Pretty loud. Honestly, I feel like my year doesn’t even really start until the
peach milkshake at Chick-fil-A comes out. If you think that a peach milkshake is
gonna heal my itchy eyes you got another thing coming. That’s not to say that I
don’t want one though. Oh yeah, Spring Break was fun back when I
was shotgunning beers in Panama City. Now I’m hauling two little kids through
Disney World so they can stand in line five hours to meet Donald Duck. Oh, heck
yes I’m ready for SB2k20! Also, I graduated four years ago. I tell you what,
spring down here don’t know what it is. One day it’s hot. The next day it’s cold.
Then it’s hot again. Man, it’s just like Garth Brooks in the ’90s. I mean, what are you? Are you Garth today or you gonna be Chris Gaines? Which is it? You want to go to a baseball game? *sneeze/laugh* Home run? More like I’m going home because I’m sneezing. Oh, am I ready for baseball season? Let’s just say that I’ve asked six of the
Braves players be pallbearers at my funeral, that way they can let me down
one last time. If there’s not a photo of you eating nachos
out of a helmet at a baseball game is your Instagram even poppin’? Honestly, I
sneeze just thinking about a picnic. *big ole sneeze* Not again. Oh, picnics actually combine my two least
favorite activities: swatting flies and sweating like a sinner in church while I
try to butter a roll. There’s nothing I love more than a pretty table setting for an outdoor luncheon. And by table setting, I mean Bloody Marys and mimosas. Sure, I’ll come to your backyard potluck. Would you like me to bring a side of
nasal drip? Spring is the official start to yard sale season in the South! I suggest getting there early. Like the night before. Hey, you can tell about a
family by their yard sale. I’ve always said, “If a crock pots for sale, that marriage is about to fail.” The only prescription for spring fever is time outside. And maybe some over-the-counter painkillers. Full disclosure, I am not a
doctor. More like spring hay fever, am I right? *laughs thru the pain and sniffles* That was an allergy joke. *more sad sniffles* Oh, spring fever is real. And if my boss asks, I’ve got it every Friday in April. Ugh, I forgot I was wearing makeup.

Reader Comments

  1. This video is so good that it is nothing to sneeze at. Get it? It is a pun and… The bad pun police grab me, tie my hands and feet up, and throw me into a pool of tree and grass pollen

  2. I don't know about the rest of yall but in Tennessee we have like 7 "winters" in spring. You know where it gets really warm and than suddenly the temp drops to 9° and we have snow flurries?
    Yea that happens at least 9 times. And the ol' folks say "it's dogwood winter" "it's blackberry winter" then when summer gets here you keep a coat close just in case it's a false alarm lol

  3. Ugh I can't stand spring allergies in the South, that and the tornado season comes! But other than that, spring is fun!

  4. When the tornado siren started we'd all be on the front porch looking for funnel cloud. One time there were three of them in sort of a line to the west of us!

  5. I didn't realize how great the weather was in California until I moved to Oklahoma. I swear this state has terrible weather 99% of the year. How can anybody live here?

  6. "It only lasts 2 hours here!" OMG, soooooo true!!! If you aren't careful here in TN, you'll miss spring altogether and just mistake it for a warm snap!!! LMBO!!!

  7. “One day it’s hot. The next day it’s cold. Then it’s hot again.”
    WELCOME TO PENNSYLVANIA RIGHT NOW
    It’s 30 or below
    Then it’s 60
    Then it’s rain
    Then pollen
    Then snow

  8. Here 2 weeks ago it got in 80's. I told ppl "don't go planting yet another frost is comin" (a frost is when little bits of ice settles on ground. Kills what you planted. Sure nuf frost last week! Rurnt my peach blooms (no peaches another year).

  9. Allergies are why I'm glad I moved to North Dakota. I still get them but not as bad. Also if I buy the locally made honey and drink a glass of hot tea with it mixed in it before the season starts I don't get them at all or they are very mild. That's a tip for y'all.

  10. 1:34 Amateurs you come down to the NJ Pinelands during the pollen season. It’s nothing but powdery yellow on the wind, ground, and water. You’ve even get pollen on the pollen.

  11. Has anyone else noticed the freakish number of mosquito hawks this season? I didn't even know I had cobwebs in my garage until last week when I saw one so full it looked like an art project. Next up: Love bugs!

  12. Those 4 days of spring is what makes people think they want to live down here. Then they complain once they start living here. I just want to slap upside the back of the head. They CHOSE to be here. They can go back anytime. 😏

  13. when you live in that small NC Town and the only tornado siren you heard was your dad drivin a minivan through halfway flooded roads.

  14. Things Dutch people say (well, yeah, me anyway) with the current – windy, raining and chilly – weather;

    Aaaah, great, real Dutch summer weather!

  15. It's February 28 and I just put out all my Spring decorations and flags….because I'm going to have to pull them all out by May Day 🙁

  16. "Down here, Spring lasts for two hours, then it's back to livin' in Satan's armpit for 8 months."
    That's the truest thing I've heard in awhile.

  17. I'm beginning to think everybody in the comment section are parrots, they repeat everything that's already been said in the video.

  18. Hi Guys, please give a shoutout to a lovely Southern Lady Glenda Sully, channel name Glenda Sully ! she is the one who brought me here. Have fun!

  19. Winter is depressing, Summer is unbearable, Fall is Perfect, Spring is pretty but yellow clouds of tree sperm make my life miserable. 🙂

  20. Everything they say is 100% true I was born and raised in California now I have been living in Texas for the last 15 years..I have the worst allergies during spring and summer time it's hotter than Satan booty hole in tx..but I still luv Texas

  21. I just moved down south and I already know allergies are worse down here. Just saw that pollen levels are gonna be above average this year too. I have a deathly allergy to 2 different trees which are more populated down here too. I'm writing my will tonight

  22. These are so true it hurts! I dread spring because one day it 75 degrees and the world is beautiful then the next day it’s 90 degrees, humid, and I won’t be out of the AC until November. Actually it was still 90 in November this past year so make it December

  23. There’s nothing like gleefully putting up your winter clothes after enjoying a 90-degree day, only to drag them out again when it drops back down to 30.

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