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Nomad of Nowhere: Episode 3 – Trouble on Purpose | Rooster Teeth


Deputy: And I suppose you made up your mind that this is my fault? Sheriff: Considering being deputy makes you in charge of the keys for the handcuffs and the cell, and you somehow managed to misplace them, while also managing to lock yourself up in both… Yeah, I’m supposing I am. Deputy: I just wanted to see if I could get out! Sheriff: Well, can you or can’t you? Deputy: No! That’s why I need the keys. Obviously. Boy: Sheriff! You gotta come see this. ???: Just the man I wanted to see. You look a little on in years, so I’ll keep this brief. I’m hunting somebody what passed through this town of yours. Sheriff: Bliss Hill likes to keep clear of trouble. Whoever your quarry is, they ain’t here. Best keep riding son. ???: So you ain’t seen this fella? (Gasp) Sheriff: Like I said, Quarry ain’t here. Man: Wait, Sheriff! That was that one fella, the one that brought the mill back to life? He did magic? You ran him out of town yourself. You don’t remember that? ???: Looks like we got started on the wrong foot. Now. You’re gonna go fetch this magic man and bring him to me. Or I’ll be making some of that trouble y’all so keen to avoid. Sheriff: I’m afraid I’m gonna have to decline your offer. ???: You know who I am, Sheriff? I’m the one they call… …The Ranch Hand. *Wind* Deadliest cowpoke in the Southwest. Done bad things to nice people for pennies. This bounty I’m after- Biggest payday I’d ever seen. He’s the dreaded Nomad of Nowhere. Gotta be honest, I’m willing to do A LOT of bad things for this one. Starting with these nice folk here. Sheriff: I’ve heard stories of you, Ranch Hand. Not sure how much I believe. Ranch Hand: Well… Seeing is believing. Barty: Whoa! What’s under there? Sheriff: Barty, get back. Ranch Hand: Heh.. Barty: Argh! *Struggling* Ranch Hand: So. You’re going to get me that Nomad or I’m going to start making believers One, by, ONE. Sheriff: Please, just let the boy go. If this is truly the Nomad you’re hunting, he’s evil. He won’t care who you threaten! Ranch Hand: Oh, that’s not what I heard. Toth: Start unloading. The sooner we can be on our way, the sooner we can get back on the hunt for the Nomad. Skout: OH. MY. STARS. Is that a Dari Town 5000?? *Gasp* I ain’t seen one of those since I was back home!! Toth: Captain Toth. Right hand to Don Paragon. This outpost is behind on its shipment. You’re the oil man? Oil Man: I am now. It was Paul before but he hurt himself trying to get her running again. He’s, gone now… *Sobbing* Toth: Well… We’ve got uhh.. schedule to keep. Don Paragon doesn’t want to fall behind so we brought your water with us to avoid delays. Once we trade for your oil, we’ll be on our way. Oil Man: Well, that’s just it. Pump stopped working and we can’t fix it. All we got left’s a small reserve. Toth: Great. We’ll take that then. Woman: But that’s to trade for crops. Oil Man: She’s right. We just can’t. Not with the pumps still broken. Toth: I understand your dilemma. But you can trade with me right now or send me back to the Don empty-handed. You know which one of those is worse. Oil Man: I’m sorry. The answer’s no. Toth: You’ve already caught me in a bad mood. So if you don’t change your mind, I’m going to have to drop the NICE ACT. Skout: Whoa whoa, let’s just rustle up the old calm wagons, shall we? There’s no need for a spat. Let me take a look at the machine, huh? Toth: Skout, they’re refusing to pay the Don. There are RULES. Skout: They are thirsty. And I used to fix these all the time back home. It won’t hurt to try. Yes! Jethro: What’s crawled up her battle ax? She wants to get that Nomad so bad, she don’t care WHAT’S in her way. Santi: It’s like I always say, Jethro. Hurting people hurts people. Null: Well, at this rate, She’s going to give my people a bad name. Skout: The Y’Dahlah are her people too. She’s doing it for them. Come on! Let’s see that machine. Sheriff: Thought I might find you up here. *Startled jump* Merry Cavern’s one of Barty’s favorite spots besides the mill. If only I… *Sobbing* *Nose-blowing honks * I… I came here to ask something of you. There’s a real bull of a bounty hunter in town He’s fixing to cause all sorts of trouble. That is, unless we turn you over. Please, I’ve got nowhere left to go. The Ranch Hand is beyond this old man and he’s got my boy! *sigh* I know you ain’t got cause to do me favors after how I treated you. But if not for me, do it for Barty. You caused us a whole mess of trouble without ever meaning to, stranger. You ever thought what might happen if you went and started some trouble on purpose? Ranch Hand: Welp, that’s about all the jokes I know. Got to be honest, didn’t really figure y’all would hang around to see the showdown. Man: We ain’t got nothing else to do! Say, where’d you get that arm? Ranch Hand: Oh? Uh… I got it from the Iron Border. Ever been up that way? Man: Nope. What’s it by? Up near Tame Tooth? Know that one? Man: I’ve never left this place. *Groans* Old Man: The Nomad’s here! Ranch Hand: Howdy there, Nomad. I hope you’re here to turn yourself in. You’re gonna risk a fight over this lot? Way I heard, they don’t even like you much. Suit yourself. Let’s see if your magic is as good as they say. Barty: Nomad, use your magic on his arm! Ranch Hand: Fancy trick. But your aim’s off, partner. Barty: What are you doing?? I said his arm! I don’t know. Run? Ranch Hand: Good luck running from THIS! (Piano starts playing) Barty: We have to help him! Dolores: Let’s show that long arm he’s messed with the WRONG town! Eugene: I think I know just the protocol. Man: Don’t tell nobody you’ve seen this. Jethro: Why do all our missions to the outskirts end in a standoff? Santi: What did I tell you, Jethro? This sordid cycle of generational poverty only begets violence. Null: The only thing I be-getting is bored. Toth: Skout! Skout: Hoo boy! That seismoverter was a tricky customer, but I think I got it! Wait. What’d I miss? Toth: The Nomad. Skout: Well, let’s get to it then! Toth: We can’t. Orders. Skout: But… Toth: DID YOU FIX IT OR NOT?? Skout: Oh. Good news and bad news. The good is that I got the converter rig to last you a spell until you can get a replacement. The bad? Well, the pump isn’t quite as busted as you think. The oil well’s almost plum dried out. You’ll need to take your trade elsewhere. Oil Man: Oh. I see. Well, thank you for… Toth: Can we get this done already? Oil Man: Take it. We’ll make do. Toth: Good. Load it up. Skout: Wait, that’s it? That’s all we trade them for? Toth: Rules are rules. Let’s go. Lots of ground to make up. Barty: Ah! Ranch Hand: Looks like we’re all back where we started. So what’ll it be, Nomad? Care to save the little fella? I have had it up to HERE with your shenanigans! Now, it’s time to collect that bounty on you. I said “you!” Ah! AGH HEY! CUT IT OUT- UGH *GROANS* I GIVE UP I GIVE UP AAHH! Barty: Well, buckle my boots, you beat him! That was so smart of you to figure out you couldn’t use your magic on his arm till he wasn’t holding it no more. (Cheering) (Gasp) Sheriff: I can’t thank you enough. You saved my boy. And thanks to the pack the Ranch Hand left behind, we got enough coin to get us by for a time. We owe you a great deal. Which is why it stings that I’m gonna ask you to leave, Yeah, magic’s the thing. Nobody done it in longer than any us have been alive. And we can’t risk that kind of attention and magic sends it all the way to the top. So thank you, but I’ll be thanking you more to leave and not come back. If I can ask you one more thing, don’t tell Barty. He won’t understand. Yeah, for what it’s worth, I’m glad the story’s wrong about you. Time to rewrite the rest of them, Nomad.

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