Indoor, Outdoor & Kids' Trampolines

Dry Fridays – SNL


>>ALL RIGHT.
WHAT’S UP EVERYONE. SNAKE A SEAT IF YOU CAN.
I’M HUNTER. CLASS OF ’19, AND WELCOME TO
UCONN DRY FRIDAYS. I KNOW YOU’RE ALL HERE BECAUSE
YOU WERE CAUGHT DRINKING IN THE DORMS BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN WE
CAN’T HAVE SOME FUN. DANA’S GOT SOME ‘ZA FOR US.
>>AND CHEESY BREAD! WHAT WHAT?
>>NICE! SO IF IT’S YOUR FIRST TIME AT
DRY FRIDAYS GO AHEAD AND INTRODUCE YOURSELF AND TELL US
WHY YOU’RE HERE.>>OKAY.
I CAN GO. I’M JENNA AND I GOT CAUGHT
DRINKING A BEER IN MY SUITE. IT JUST SUCKS BECAUSE ‘TWAS THE
NIGHT BEFORE MY 21st BIRTHDAY.>>YEAH, ZERO TOLERANCE POLICY
ON CAMPUS. WHAT’S UP, MAN?
>>HEY, I’M KENNY AND I WAS POURING VODKA INTO A WATER
BOTTLE IN THE BATHROOM WHEN MY R.A. WALKED IN.
>>OH, BUSTED. HI, THERE.
>>HEY. I’M COURTNEY.
CLASSIC COLLEGE STORY. I DRANK 40 BEERS, GOT NAKED,
GRABBED A CHAINSAW, AND WENT BEHIND NORTH QUAD, AND CUT DOWN
35 PINE TREES. [ LAUGHTER ]
I’VE DONE IT, YOU’VE DONE IT, BUT OF COURSE THIS TIME I GET
CAUGHT, RIGHT? [ LAUGHTER ]
>>YEAH, I MEAN, I DON’T KNOW ABOUT THAT.
BUT THAT’S A GOOD SEGUE. BECAUSE EVERYONE’S DONE OR KNOWS
SOMEONE WHO’S DONE SOMETHING STUPID WHILE DRUNK.
RIGHT, DANA?>>THANKS, HUNT.
YES. FRESHMAN YEAR I HAD A FEW TOO
MANY AND MOONED A COP.>>OH, MY FRIEND R.J. FELL AND
KNOCKED OUT THREE OF HIS BOTTOM TEETH.
>>OH, AND LAST WEEKEND I DID A 10-MINUTE SOLO KEG STAND AND GOT
SO FADED. I WAKE UP THE NEXT MORNING I’M
LIKE LIKE, WHEN DID I GET A NO-HAWK?
>>A NO-HAWK?>>IT’S HIKE AN OPPOSITE MOHAWK.
>>UH, OKAY. YEAH.
SEE, SOMETIMES IT’S JUST NOT WORTH IT, RIGHT?
>>YEAH, DUDE, TOTALLY. ANYONE EVER GET WASTED AND TEXT
AN EX?>>YES!
>>OR EVER ORDER FOOD AND THEN PASS OUT BEFORE IT’S DELIVERED?
THAT WAS MY MOVE FRESHMAN YEAR.>>YEAH, BUT DID YOU EVER BLACK
OUT AND WHEN YOU WAKE UP YOU HAVE A DOG-TRACKING CHIP IN YOUR
NECK AND YOU’RE LIKE, WHAT IS THAT?
>>NO.>>YEAH, YOU KNOW, EVERYONE’S
GOT A STORY. COURTNEY, GO AHEAD AND POP THAT
BEANIE BACK ON IF YOU WANT. [ LAUGHTER ]
I’LL BE STRAIGHT WITH YOU GUYS. MY FRESHMAN YEAR, DANA KNOWS
ABOUT THIS, I PASSED OUT IN THE HALL OUTSIDE MY DORM ROOM.
>>AND I CAN BEAT THAT. SPRING WEEKEND I PASSED OUT IN
THE TACO BELL BATHROOM.>>OH, MAN, I CAN’T TOP THAT.
BUT ONE TIME I PASSED OUT ON MR. SHINTO’S ISLAND AND TOTALLY
MISSED THE SUBMARINE BACK TO THE MAINLAND.
MR. SHINTO WAS SO MAD AT ME. YEAH.
>>ALL RIGHT. YEAH.
UH, NOT REALLY SURE WHO MR. SHINTO IS OR WHAT THAT STORY WAS
ABOUT, BUT ALL RIGHT.>>YEAH, AND LIKE IF YOU’RE
COLD, FEEL FREE TO GO AHEAD AND POP THAT BEANIE BACK ON.
[ LAUGHTER ] THE POINT IS DRINKING CAN LEAD
TO BAD CHOICES. LIKE, WHEN I WAS DRUNK AND GOT A
TRAMP STAMP.>>IT’S A MERMAID.
>>THANKS, HUNT!>>I GOT YOU BEAT.
YOU KNOW THOSE INDIGENOUS TRIBES THAT PUT, LIKE DISCS IN THEIR
LIPS LIKE THIS? I GOT THAT BUT I GOT IT —
>>OH, NO, NO, NO. NO, COURTNEY.
WE’LL TAKE YOUR WORD FOR IT. OKAY?
I THINK THEY’VE ALL SEEN THE HAIRCUT BY NOW SO FEEL FREE TO
POP THAT BEANIE BACK ON.>>GUYS, WE’RE NOT HERE TO
LECTURE YOU OR TELL YOU NOT TO HAVE A GOOD TIME.
BUT THE FACT IS THAT HEAVY DRINKING DOES SOME REAL NASTY
STUFF TO YOUR BODY.>>YEAH, LIKE IF I GO HARD ONE
WEEKEND, I GET LIKE HEARTBURN FOR A WEEK AND I’M JUST LIKE
TIRED OF THAT.>>YEAH, I’M LIKE LEGIT WORRIED
ABOUT MY BODY. A MONTH AGO I GOT BLITZED BY
MYSELF AND I GUESS I ATE EGGS OR SOMETHING.
THE NEXT MORNING, SORRY IF THIS IS KIND OF NASTY.
GUY TO THE BATHROOM AND AN EGG JUST — IT’S — IT COMES OUT AND
IT’S STILL IN ITS SHELL. MY BODY IS SO JACKED I CAN’T
DIGEST AN EGG? [ LAUGHTER ]
>>RIGHT. I MEAN —
I DON’T KNOW IF ALCOHOL DOES THAT.
[ LAUGHTER ] MAYBE YOU DIDN’T NECESSARILY EAT
THE EGG? IF THAT MAKES SENSE?
MAYBE YOU –>>OH MY GOD, THAT DOES MAKE SO
MUCH MORE SENSE. BECAUSE I HATE EGGS.
I WOULD NEVER EAT ONE.>>BUT YOU WOULD PUT ONE —
>>OKAY, HEY, WE DON’T NEED TO SAY IT.
I THINK PROBABLY A GOOD TIME TO GET OUR ZA?
>>I’M SORRY, I’M STILL THINKING ABOUT — THAT EGG.
HOW DID IT NOT CRACK? [ LAUGHTER ]
>>I WANT TO HEAR SO MUCH MORE ABOUT MR. SHINTO.
>>YEAH, DO YOU HAVE A PICTURE OF THAT DISK THING?
>>YEAH, I’M SURE WE ALL WANT COURTNEY TO ANSWER SOME
QUESTIONS AND MAYBE PUT THAT BEANIE BACK ON.
[ LAUGHTER ] LET’S WAIT TILL AFTER THE
MEETING.>>YEAH, I MEAN, AFTER PARTY, MY
PLACE, I GOT KEG SHOTS, WHATEVER.
MY ROOMMATE IS REALLY COOL BUT ALL OF HIS WIVES ARE SO
ANNOYING. IT’S CRAZY.
>>WHAT IS YOUR LIFE? [ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

Reader Comments

  1. She's so natural. So good. Bandwagon haters be hatin' but she did so good in the entire episode.

  2. I somehow find pete hot… Why though? I never used to think he was hot but somehow he became hot… Hahahaha

  3. I donโ€™t really like Kristen Stewart but I have to say…she did really well in this! This sketch is soo funny ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ‘

  4. LMAO i feel they did not tell Pete Davidson about Kristen having a no hawk because the amount of shock on his face is an understatement

  5. Kristen Stewart would never be a famous actress were it not for the fact that both her parents are players in the industry. Her dad is a producer and her mother is director. There is absolutely no other way a girl who literally has the same facial expression and tone of voice in every single scene she's ever been in, could be that successful. She fucking sucks, yet in 2012 (because of Twilight, of course) was the highest paid actress in the world..

  6. This would be SOOOOO much funnier if someone else played the part of Kristen Stewart's character. Like, pretty much anyone. Anyone. Anyone at all.

    The jokes and skit itself was funny, but Stewart's energy totally sucked out the humor and drained any hilarity, for me anyway.

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